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what makes people “connect” ?

what makes people clash?

I’m not sure I will ever understand the science/magic/ or what have you behind it… but I am no more immune to it than anyone else.

It’s a bizarre human dynamic that fascinates me… especially when I am caught up in the clutches.

I just got off the phone with an ex boyfriend, who later on became a friend, and has been a part of my life for roughly 18 years.  I was shocked to see his number come up, and before I could even hit the answer button on the phone, my mind flooded with the memory of his voice and nuances and the many memories we shared.   His voice is the same, his cadence too.  It’s a comfort but that’s where that ended.  A few sentences into the conversation and it was blatantly apparent why he and I didn’t work out and never really had a chance…

“Chemistry”

It’s just not there.

I am not unattractive… he’s  noticed.  He’s not unattractive… but I don’t really care.   I’ve never been like other grrls… I do occasionally find myself attracted to someone… but it’s rare and special and the best part of it all is that crazy chemical rush. Sparks fly.  It doesn’t just count for romantic relationships though, You could talk to someone and your personalities just click,  and you know that they are compatible with you,  lots of  life long friends are made and kept that way…  And everyone knows that.  Whoever you are, reading this right now… think of your very best friend.  You know what I mean…

But there’s something magical in meeting somebody for the first time and getting weak in the knees and feeling that magnetism. That twinkly warm delicious pull to be near to him. You find yourself standing closer, randomly touching their arm during conversation, you feel that charge, and flirting takes over.  Your head spins, you stop making sense, suddenly everything is hilarious and you stand closer still. Oh wickedly powerful chemistry. So irresistible.  You hardly know him and already you’re thinking about kissing him.  what would it be like? If I start, could I stop? Fighting to resist {if you’re a good grrl you will – otherwise, well you might be in trouble here} but your mind keeps reeling back to it. *..::*sigh*::..*

We all yearn for that feeling we can share with someone… I am recently separated, and went quite sometime without the attraction feeling, and I still find myself thinking about it.  So trust me… we ALL want that feeling.

But what on earth is it? What causes it?  Can it be trusted?  Why is it you can feel it for some people, and not for others?

Some people believe it is purely scientific.  Hormones released to tell us when and who to procreate with… that makes sense I guess.  Maybe on paper.  *I* don’t feel that way.  Let’s face it… I’m DONE procreating. Done.  Yet not immune to attraction.  Some cultures believe that arranged marriages work better because they are not based on these feelings and desires… I suppose if you don’t know any better, then perhaps you just make whatever you have, work for you.  I’m not stranger to that.  I spent YEARS holding on to a marriage that was dead of all feeling. {for the record, that didn’t work out so good… just sayin’}  I have missed that heat, and the cold spot that was left in it’s place is awkwardly distracting and uncomfortable. So though it may be scientific for some… It is not for me.

So many of us want to believe its all magical,  like something from a fairy tale… Hmmm.  It sure *feels* that way doesn’t it? In the moment at least.  But that’s putting too much faith in something that could be fleeting.  What happens when it cant be sustained? Is the next one magic? And the one after that? Jeez sounds like you could get emotional whiplash like that.  I want to fall… but I don’t want to fall victim to nonsense.

There are cynics out among us, that refuse to believe in any of it. Like the arranged marriages of other cultures {yes it is still happening in some little known villages around the world} there are many people that believe that a good relationship is built on things such as religious beliefs, financial status, political connection… etc…{ feck, there are some dummies out there who get married because their FRIENDS told them they should! WTH?!?}  Buncha-bananas is what a wise lil monkey I know would say about that.

My going theory is that I am resoundingly clueless… I don’t know what to believe or expect. I undeniably am vulnerable to that mystical, sparkling, twinkling, magnetic, magical/chemical/certainly not mythical attraction…  I’d like to hope that if I ever find myself in the unique position of ever being in a relationship again, it would be with someone that I can share the same tastes and views and joys and sorrows and goals with, that I also experience that rush with, and share the attraction/flirting/ lust, but who can also be patient, because getting to truly know someone takes a long time, and needs to happen the right way, because that spark can’t be all there is… and there is so much to connect or even clash over… The going theory in my mind/heart is that the right one should be a good combination, without too much compromise.  And half the fun is getting to that point of understanding… The other half… well that’s up to you once you get there.

Who knows if I will ever find myself there.  I used to believe not. A lot of that doubt was based in my previous experiences with relationships… but those “experiences” are nearly laughable. They consist of a few “boyfriends” in my teen age years… and a 15 yr marriage to someone that wasn’t ever right for me. {and vice versa} So… Part of my new life consists of me gathering hope.  I will work on me, and do as I do… I guess we’ll just see what happens from there. =)

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