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There is a quote from Winston Churchill that someone decided to engrave onto fancy gold tone book marks, stylishly accented with navy blue satin ribbon.  They are sold at my favorite massive bookstore in plastic sleeves on a black velvet background.

Never Never Never Give Up…

I bought this book mark for my son 3 years ago or so. During a period of time when he had inexplicably stopped talking. His grades were slipping, his behavior took a strange turn, and I was so very worried.  I tried to reach him. I talked to him all the time, and one day while out running my weekly errands I picked up a copy of a book that I knew he was looking forward to, and gave him the bookmark with a small personal note of encouragement.
I have always tried to instill a sense of hopefulness in my children… I’ve always wanted to see them make the best of any situation, to always try, to learn and grow from mistakes, and mostly I just want them to be happy people.
Since then our lives have been turned upside down and continues to be somewhat topsy turvy, but we’ve gotten this far…
And we’re doing alright… {he’s doing quite well, actually}

Recently I came across that book mark while cleaning the boys bedrooms. 
For reasons I cannot explain, I just stopped what I was doing and stared at it for a moment… sort of zoned out.
It’s true that I was tired, and would likely have stopped for a coffee break around that time anyhow, but still, I found myself overthinking the meaning *I* should be taking from this quote.

Never give up. – simple concept.  and I thought to myself that I had given up. I had given up on hope, I had given up on growth and traded in for fear and disappointment and general overall stress.  I wish I could say that I felt some level of shame, but it wasn’t so. I felt angry and resentful and justified.  I’m ALWAYS overwhelmed and I never seem to get anywhere. WHY??

Oh-right, probably because I gave up – huh?
“Circumstances outside of my control” are trying to take over my whole life. I’m afraid that I will become embittered… and so I just keep my head down in anticipation of more issues, problems and disappointment.
What I’m NOT doing is changing my situation by worrying so much.  Just trying to get through it, to survive it, get by…
I gave up hope. I began to waste my time expecting the worst, and making my self sick over “oh-no, what will I do *IF*…

And this is where it all turns around…
The next evening, I came home from work looking pretty worn out… everything still weighing heavily on my mind, and it must have showed… Because my son could read it on me like a billboard.
However, it seems that Hope hasn’t given up on me just yet…
Once he found a quiet moment to approach me, my son said to me – “just remember mom, no matter how bad things seem right now, they are still so much better than they were Before
{ I can’t help but tear up when I think about this}
In that moment I was done with just being down and feeling bad.  Our situation is NOT that bad!!!  
I have my two amazing boys, we still have a roof over our heads {regardless of the struggle it may be to keep that going} and thus far, I’ve been able to provide them with all that they require… {And worrying about being able to continue that, isn’t helping anyone but the company that makes my anti-acids….} and hell, even if we lose everything we have… WE HAVE EACH OTHER!  
Funny, how simple things really are, when I’m not over-complicating it all in my own mind.
I’m just going to keep doing what I have been doing with some smallish changes,  instead of wasting my energy with unnecessary worry, I will make a bigger effort to enjoy the simple things again, Like I used to… Let go of those things that made me feel so bad all the time. Keep trying, keep living, and Never, Never, Never Give Up!

❤ Much Love to All. ❤

   

 

There came a day when she realized that superman wasn’t coming to save her.  There would be no knight in shining armor, galloping in on a white horse that would sweep her off of her feet.  There would be no romantic, picturesque ride into the sunset horizon of some happily ever after.

Everything she had ever done, or suffered… all that she fought for, lived for, and hoped for, up to that point was moot.  All for naught… a full half of her life, spent in a miserable wasteland of a failed marriage.  And things were out of control… again.

The truth was, she was scared… Frightened of the unknown… frightened of the possibility that she would fail on her own and she didn’t have the first foggiest clue about how to survive – alone.
But she wasn’t alone… There were the kids. They needed her…
With them in mind, she stepped over the threshold into a Terrifying new life… She couldn’t wait to be saved. She couldn’t hope it would get better. She couldn’t keep making excuses.  She knew they weren’t going to survive any more… 
She had to become her own heroine. Save herself, Not for herself… but for *them*

It was a dramatic birth into this new role… and since then her war has taken on a quieter more subtle appearance. She’s picked up some allies along the way.   But still every day, she refuses to surrender.  Though most of her battles may be small and simple, easily looked over… Still, she fights for them. Most days she is the victor, and some days she falls hard…  Only she can know the full extent of her trials and triumphs.  At night, after a hard day, when she’s weary from the battle, and it would be so easy to give up, give in… She reminds herself that one day this war will be over and when that day comes, she will look back at all she has been through and know all that she fought for… it was always for them and they were always worth it. With that thought, and renewing a silent strength within herself to carry on, She closes her eyes, and promises herself to quietly fight another day. For Them.