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So much has happened since my last post, but the general lesson learned has been that my recent positivity, and hard work combined with a dash of good luck, has seemingly become my recipe for a happier me!

Or so it seems lately, anyhow… Doors and windows have begun to open for me, and it feels so good to be truly out from under the rock I’ve been crushed by for so long!
I’ve reached a cross roads in my life, and I’m moving forward on a positive path.
I’ve found a new job {or, I should say – it found me…} and the potential for personal growth there is quite grand.
I’m excited, Motovated, and feeling a sort of pride.
I am proud that my efforts and endeavors have not gone unnoticed nor unnappreciated and I’m finally getting my chance to really climb to new heights.
It’s a little scary, because I’m completely on my own here… but I KNOW that I can do this.
I know I will work hard and do my best, and not give up.  And thats the best I can offer, but that should be plenty to build a success story out of this lovely new opportunity.  =)
I feel as though the pieces are really starting to come together in  my life.
I’m not looking to jynx it, and I’m not bragging.  I just HAD to share/ update.
I’m hopeful that things will continue to flow smoothly along this same current towards a bright shiny future for my family.
=)
Much Love to all! ❤

Swallowed a brick?!?!

Remember the last time your heart was broken…?
The last person you mistakenly got too attached to… Felt like you served your heart up on a silver platter, like a fool?
I’ll bet you learned to be more careful, learned to protect your now somewhat damaged heart… Maybe even became a bit fearful and closed off for a while…
Do you remember how it felt, for days or weeks or even months later… When you thought about them… Or some memory you shared… Seemingly profound to you, but wasted and forgotten by them…
Yeah, you know those moments when there was an ache and a weight… A physical discomfort to accompany the emotional pain you felt.
For me, it feels like I swallowed a brick. A cold hard heaviness stuck in the bottom of my throat and pressing on my chest…
I felt that again briefly , when the subject of someone I once had cared a bit too deeply for, had come up… and couldn’t help but mention it to some friends over dinner…
They didn’t quite understand what I meant at first, and I was embarrassed… But then as I described it, I realized that they knew the feeling, even if they didn’t describe it the same way… So once I got home, I asked a few people if they ever experienced it… The answer ( every time) was a resounding yes…
So, apparently this is a common side effect of the “heartbreak experience”
It’s funny how people are so different, and every experience is so unique, yet we are all bound together by some of the very same symptoms of being human.
Which serves as yet another reminder to me, as to exactly why we should all be kind to each other… as much as possible.

The greastest comfort can come in the simplest forms, a hug from a loved one… or sharing laughter with friends… this is something we all need…
We need each other.
To share our joys.
To ease our pain.
To make life richer.
When I’m hurting I instinctively turn to my loved ones for comfort and connection.
There isn’t a day that goes by when I dont appreciate them… just for being a part of my life – and for making me a part of theirs as well…

I’m not sure why I felt the need to post this, other than the sheer simple fact that it’s weighing heavily on my mind today.

Today, I will remember to take heart – because we are all in this together… and my, what an experience it all is turning out to be…

There is a quote from Winston Churchill that someone decided to engrave onto fancy gold tone book marks, stylishly accented with navy blue satin ribbon.  They are sold at my favorite massive bookstore in plastic sleeves on a black velvet background.

Never Never Never Give Up…

I bought this book mark for my son 3 years ago or so. During a period of time when he had inexplicably stopped talking. His grades were slipping, his behavior took a strange turn, and I was so very worried.  I tried to reach him. I talked to him all the time, and one day while out running my weekly errands I picked up a copy of a book that I knew he was looking forward to, and gave him the bookmark with a small personal note of encouragement.
I have always tried to instill a sense of hopefulness in my children… I’ve always wanted to see them make the best of any situation, to always try, to learn and grow from mistakes, and mostly I just want them to be happy people.
Since then our lives have been turned upside down and continues to be somewhat topsy turvy, but we’ve gotten this far…
And we’re doing alright… {he’s doing quite well, actually}

Recently I came across that book mark while cleaning the boys bedrooms. 
For reasons I cannot explain, I just stopped what I was doing and stared at it for a moment… sort of zoned out.
It’s true that I was tired, and would likely have stopped for a coffee break around that time anyhow, but still, I found myself overthinking the meaning *I* should be taking from this quote.

Never give up. – simple concept.  and I thought to myself that I had given up. I had given up on hope, I had given up on growth and traded in for fear and disappointment and general overall stress.  I wish I could say that I felt some level of shame, but it wasn’t so. I felt angry and resentful and justified.  I’m ALWAYS overwhelmed and I never seem to get anywhere. WHY??

Oh-right, probably because I gave up – huh?
“Circumstances outside of my control” are trying to take over my whole life. I’m afraid that I will become embittered… and so I just keep my head down in anticipation of more issues, problems and disappointment.
What I’m NOT doing is changing my situation by worrying so much.  Just trying to get through it, to survive it, get by…
I gave up hope. I began to waste my time expecting the worst, and making my self sick over “oh-no, what will I do *IF*…

And this is where it all turns around…
The next evening, I came home from work looking pretty worn out… everything still weighing heavily on my mind, and it must have showed… Because my son could read it on me like a billboard.
However, it seems that Hope hasn’t given up on me just yet…
Once he found a quiet moment to approach me, my son said to me – “just remember mom, no matter how bad things seem right now, they are still so much better than they were Before
{ I can’t help but tear up when I think about this}
In that moment I was done with just being down and feeling bad.  Our situation is NOT that bad!!!  
I have my two amazing boys, we still have a roof over our heads {regardless of the struggle it may be to keep that going} and thus far, I’ve been able to provide them with all that they require… {And worrying about being able to continue that, isn’t helping anyone but the company that makes my anti-acids….} and hell, even if we lose everything we have… WE HAVE EACH OTHER!  
Funny, how simple things really are, when I’m not over-complicating it all in my own mind.
I’m just going to keep doing what I have been doing with some smallish changes,  instead of wasting my energy with unnecessary worry, I will make a bigger effort to enjoy the simple things again, Like I used to… Let go of those things that made me feel so bad all the time. Keep trying, keep living, and Never, Never, Never Give Up!

❤ Much Love to All. ❤