Valentine’s Day is absolutely the stupidest bullshit “holiday” in the history of mankind. 
No, really… I know there been some doozies throughout history, but Valentine’s Day really just takes the cake. 

I’m not just some bitter thwarted girl with no valentine… I have the love of my life, and I’m secure with our relationship, all the time. Even when we piss each other off…  If he and I don’t love each other 365, then we wouldn’t be together- period! 

Love is something special, and not promised to any of us. It’s something we earn and create and work on and give and share all the time. It’s difficult to define sometimes, but it is nearly NEVER that fairy tale, prepackaged with ribbons and bows,floofy, frilly, over-glorified picture-perfect ridiculous sap that people tout and pine for. Get a grip- we don’t live in a Disney film. 

Mine is not like yours, but it’s perfect for me… (if you don’t want the sappy details, feel free to skip this next part. )

My love is good and bad, it’s kisses goodnight and cuddles in the morning, but it’s also putting up with snoring throughout the night.  It’s finding coffee ready to go and waiting for me when I’m in a rush to get to work, and it’s my car being warm too… but it’s also, sneaking out quietly when he needs his rest, setting up his coffee and breakfast and making sure the dogs are fed, let out, and back in so he doesn’t have to do it. It’s staying up late because he wants to chat, but we were both too busy to chat at all during the day and needed to touch base.  It’s the feeling of security that I get when he’s near me… and I cannot find that anywhere else (believe me, I’ve tried and I’ve never found it before) it’s the devastation I feel when I know he’ll be gone for seven months… but it’s also the effort and support I put in to making sure he can go for seven months and won’t need to worry about anything else but what he needs to do in that time. It’s stupid things like picking up rocks and dog poop in the yard before he mows. It’s making his plate warm so his pasta won’t get cold at dinner. It’s finding my hot water bottle all set up in my bed before I get out of my shower at night. It’s laughing at his silly jokes and it’s  getting cranky when he’s being rude. It was finding myself in need of a car, and him letting me use his favorite car. It’s been him dealing with my family drama while simultaneously keeping me from falling into a depression over it. He’s put up with clutter just to move me in with him. It’s putting up with his extraordinarily high expectations and dealing with the disappointments when they aren’t matched… it’s struggling to keep up with his intensely high paced “go-go-go/get-shit-done”  way of life, and it’s basking in the reward of our accomplishments too. It’s constant planning, building, growing… it’s nit-picking and it’s understanding… it’s making him eat because he works so hard that he forgets… it’s seeing him wearing tattered old, paint stained, holey work clothes and scruffy face – and still feeling that pride because he’s the most beautiful sight in the whole wide world and I’m feeling that warm glow in my heart just thinking about him even on our worst days… It’s routines, it’s stability, its consistency and It’s putting up with hot and cold behavior… and realizing that it’s always worth sticking it out because our foundation is strong,  it’s real,  gritty, hand forged, honest Love. I know in my heart that he is my One. My future is integrated with his. I’ll stand by him till one of us dies. 

(End of sap- it’s safe to go on from here) 

We don’t say “I love you” much.   But we do love each other. It’s implied and received In all the things we do, big and small… 

we don’t actually do anything pre-packaged… we go at our own pace and set our own rules… 

So, to be forced to say “I love you” on February 14th makes no sense. Sure, it’s nice to hear, but…

To wait till a holiday to show appreciation for the other half of my heart seems stupid. Pointless. A waste of time and energy on something we both live, understand, and accept from each other comfortably and consistently. To randomly stop and declare it – because someone else wants us to- seems to take away from the authenticity of what we really have… 

Is it nice to acknowledge our love- yes, of course! But not under those circumstances.  Imagine if someone were blackmailing you with something and ordered you to shower gifts and affection on one person or else… wouldn’t feel very genuine, would it?  

Valentine’s Day is really blackmailing you into these things disingenuously. It’s making you go to the hip to prove something that should not be in question.  It causes anxiety and awkwardness between people based on a societal demand that you MUST participate in this dog and pony show… and I refuse. 

Furthermore, it shames people that can’t or don’t participate.  It serves as a painful reminder to the lonely of their loneliness rather than focusing on other, better aspects of their lives. It serves as a reminder to widows of their loss. It drives people into depression and even suicide! 

So if you’re lucky; you subscribe, undergo anxiety, pay for some token that is considered acceptable and in return you get a token that is considered acceptable and maybe some obligatory sex afterwards… hmmm obligatory sex is just so… rewarding…? 

But on the flip side, you aren’t so lucky and now you feel like shit and you’re forced to smile in the face of the lucky sheep that feel the need to boast in your face about how wonderful *Valentine’s Day love* is- you know, as opposed to regular, every day, “you forgot to put the toilet seat down, but thank you for heating up my towel for me, and I’m sorry I forgot to pick up my socks again” kind of love. Smdh. 

I’m here to stand up and say TO HELL WITH VALENTINES DAY!  Seriously!  Because it’s bullshit and has absolutely ZERO bearing on you, your life, or love at all! None. 

I have a great big heart. I give so much love. Selfless love. And I RESENT having to prove it for someone else’s benefit. I RESENT being made to feel like I’m supposed to conform. And I resented being shamed when I spent so many Valentine’s days either alone or worse, stuck in a bad situation where I was entirely unloved. The sheer misery of it stuck with me from The first signs of those stupid pink hearts on the shelves of Target, straight on through march first. Pathetic, right?

I think Valentine’s Day should quietly make and exit… and all the stores pushing the novelties should promptly fuck off. 

Celebrate your anniversaries- because they are *yours*. They are private, and let’s face it, you EARN them every year. That’s real and it’s genuinely special.   And do it your way… 

Do you disagree, okay fine. Maybe *you are* the lucky one that won the love-lottery and has that picture-perfect fairy tale kind of love. And I’m thrilled for you! (Sincerely, I really am) but for those of us with a different reality and perspective, Valentine’s Day is more drama and anxiety than anything else. It is those people, who feel like I do, that I hope will read and enjoy this. But like the title says… this is my opinion. 

Happy “half-priced-candy” day! 😂

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