You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2013.

Its so nice to be able to wake up early again,
Get up and start my day, without that nagging weight of depression hanging on my shoulders.
My life is so much more simple than it once was, and I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of not complicating things in my own mind.
With this simplified approach to everything life has certainly been more enjoyable.
I’m pretty non-committal about nearly everything so that I don’t have any unnecessary pressure on me.
No expectations = less disappointment. So long as I know I am doing the right thing, and at the end of the day nothing devastating happens, I’m perfectly happy.
I still have my long term goals fixed in place, and I’m moving in the right direction, but with less to worry about in the short term, the more progress i can make… =)
I’ve been flexable with everything, and the lack of seriousness has made for a great deal of random laughter. =)

I feel like I have a newfound friendship with Joy again…
It’s been so long since the last time I really felt this good.
I’ve gone through all my phases of grief and disenchantment with the outside world and I’m happy again.
On my own… without the need for anyone else to help or give their approval.

I have this unfettered ability to appreciate everything I’ve got…
I’m improving at ignoring the BS…
and things are just falling into place.

Oh, Its so good to be happy again!
To having things move in the right direction with so much less friction!
It’s a huge relief, and I am truly enjoying the peace in my heart and mind that comes along with it.
Even my kids are feeling the change, They are less worried, bicker less, more interested in the real world and finally pulling away from the video games more.
No matter how much I tried, it simply was impossible to keep them from knowing that I was stressed out. And telling them that “everything is fine”  only made it worse.
But everything really is fine. Looking up even… And we just keep on keeping on.

So, there we have it folks, I have posted several of my many drafts, unfinished or barely begun pieces.
Welcome into the labyrinth of my mind. =)
I embrace my randomness every day.

I hope maybe one or all of you will find a strand here and make something of it.
Please feel free to contact me with whatever you come up with -also, ideas and suggestions are always welcome.

I cannot promise these will remain posted {as-is} for very long…
Like I’ve said before, with some luck, perhaps I will transform them into something more complete.
there is a certain sense of relief in having set these drafts free for a while…
Kind of like “cleaning house” and the transient comfort of having saved these bits and pieces from the trash, where so many have gone before…

As always, I wish everyone much love!

….

His skin is smooth, like mine
And feels like heaven when we touch
His hands are soft, like mine
As they gently caress my face.
His lips are full, like mine
As he passionately kisses me.
His heart is red, like mine
And beating to the rhythm of our love
His eyes are deep, like mine
And they see through me, to my core
His soul is connected to mine
And I will forever love him
His eyes, his heart, his lips, his hands
His skin, in which, lives the man I love.

You find comfort in the grey blanket overcast sky… And revel in the calm before the storm.
I am the storm that drifts in and out of your life, sometimes as a gentle rain… Sometimes as a violent downpour.
Our love is an infinite dance. Eternally written into the universe in the stars, in the sea, in the sand, it’s whispered in the winds and roars through the thundering clouds…

I’m intoxicated by the intensity of my desire
It’s a potent elixir that draws me to you
Spellbound, as my head spins with the memory of your touch
Fantasizing about our next encounter
Chemistry, a potion that hangs on your lips with every kiss.
An addictive rush that sets in like poison,
There is no cure, only the craving for more
Drunk on lust, I feel myself let go, let you take over
Take control, I respond to your every move.
You hunger for it
To push my boundaries
To watch my reactions
Revel in the danger
You are addicted too.

There’s a compartment in my heart where I keep my treasures locked away,
but I’ll give my key to you tonight…
if only for tonight.
music sparkles all around this dark and sacred space,
and I’ll share my songs with you tonight…
if only for tonight.
sweetest memories Shimmering like strings of pearls,
I’ll cut them loose for you tonight…
if only for tonight.
Experiences that shaped me, in golden boxes topped with bows,
but I’ll display them here for you tonight…
if only for tonight.
The dust and cobwebs are swept away, the drapes opened wide,
to shed silver moonlight on my secrets for you tonight, if only for tonight.
I’ll take out the fine china a pour a cup of tea for you tonight, if only for tonight.
And I’ll share everything with you tonight. But only for tonight.

A single drop of blood is drawn
and a fiercesome war is waged
A call to arms and I become
a soldier in my sisters army
Scantly prepared for whats to come
But no one ever is
There will be many battles
The first will be to conquer fear
with love and support
Then maintain bravery
in the face of the enemy
This unwarranted invasion
She alone cannot fight
the cure is almost as terrifying as the cancer
I keep wishing “If only love could save her”
She’d never have to fear again
I’d give her all that she could bare
But now she’s up against a most fearsome foe
I will not let her face alone
So I pick up my sword
And prepare for war.

I have known a sadness deep in a place I didnt know existed… My whole life, my whole world, it all changed at every corner… new angles, new views, new perceptions of the old me… a window opened just enough for me to see the sky, smell the air, let some light in to this dusky grey space I’ve been living in… You made me want something more… more than what I was used to… More than I could have ever previously imagined… and there it was, before my eyes, a beautiful dream, vibrant and alive.

Love.

I reached out my hand and tried to become a part of this awe inspiring landscape, only to discover that it was simply a mirage, conjured up in my own mind… As it vanished, so too did you, and all the angles slowly returned to their former shape… But the grey seems a little duller, and the dusk a little dimmer… the confinement to this space feels like a cruelty now, rather than my previous sense of safety… Imprisoned now from a world I never would have known existed, if not for you.

I lust for freedom.

I have sooo many “drafts” hanging out at my dashboard home page…
Most of which are started ideas for posts that I never put in the effort to finish, I never got back to and made them whole.
Disjointed strings of thought, as they came to me, without refinement – {something I struggle with anyhow.}
I was once given some very good advice while taking  a writing class given by a good friend, He said “just put it out there” and for the most part, I try to… but i start too many… I would say I finish about a 10th of what I start… I usually delete a good portion of my “drafts” and the rest sit there, in electronc limbo.
Today I decided to just throw a few of these up on my page for the heck of it… unfinished, disjointed, random strands of thought that never quite gave birth to a fully formed – uhm… post…
This is how my head works.
An idea floods in
NEEDS to get out, onto paper or into the “draft box”
so I oblige, always with the intention of following up and making something special out of it…
{somehow This NEVER happens.}
These are nothing more than mere brain children that never grew up.

I hope this window into my head doenst leave anyone too alienated from me.
Because I’m feeling flighty today… and I’m just putting it out there before I end up deleting them.
Who knows, perhaps some of you will make something real out of them… feel free.
Maybe even *I* will eventually make something out of them as I had intended.

It started with “Dove” I’ll throw a few more out, and see where it goes.

Much love to all! ❤

 

I search the skys, Night and day, for any faint trace of her
I was last to send her to you,
Never to return
The Dove, so purely white, bearing an olive branch.
did you receive her message?
Has she lost her way?
It’s been so long since the rift began
and pulled us far apart.
The distance only bridged by our dove
bearing messages heart to heart…
What ever happened to our love?
When did our ending start?
Did our little bird betray us? or favor one over the other?
did she die along the way, too many miles flown between us?
Too many trips… too many sorrys
too many reasons to just give up.
Perhaps its simply too late to fix the damages done
Any hope for reconciliation is long gone…
Still I keep on watching waiting listening for her cries
some small shred of hope that we havent severed all ties…

Day and night, Night and day…
I wait for her bring me hope
As my heart slowly dies
I imagine the sound of the air rushing past her wings
I make up excuses for her delay,
Was she thwarted by a winter squall?
Caught in the eye of a hurricane?
What would keep her from her duty?
Though My heart knows the answer,
I refuse to give up waiting my life away
Refuse to accept why she will never return
Refuse to believe you shut your heart
To me,
To love
to our sweet dove
She died trying to reach you
Leaving me here in my denial
Alone
Turning to dust.
Ever waiting…