Distance… It’s not quite what it used to be. Long distances are bridged more and more by technology. It’s a beautiful thing. Making the phrase “small world” seem like an understatement at times.  But when you’re missing a loved one who is 2/3 across the country, and you know you just don’t belong in the place where you are at… It can feel like  238,855 miles {for the curious- that’s the average distance from the earth to the moon [according to nasa]} clearly not impossible. But it certainly feels that way.

I’m feeling like I’m lost in space.  My dearest friends throw me a life line and reel me in as often as they can. And I truly love them for it.  It’s good to feel loved, and wanted, and like I matter to someone. It helps to keep me grounded, really.  But some days I simply drift away… off into space again. When I realized I have done this, I often end up in the same thinking pattern… wondering, “why am I here again?” and “Where would I rather be?”  I used to ask “where do I belong?”  but I have long since decided that this is an unanswerable question. Asking myself where I would rather be is easier to answer and certainly something I can plan for.

There is so much uncertainty involved with going through a divorce.  Its almost like having your whole life go through a blender. Vrooom! Now its all mixed up and mushy. {yuck} But I don’t regret it, because I know it is what’s right. I will become stronger and rebuild. In fact, I began that process months ago, and everyday I make progress. These are all things that I try to tell myself {and frequently have loved ones remind me} to keep things in perspective. To refocus my energies to the positive.  I have extracted myself from the hostile environment I existed in, and through positive energies {either given or received}, I extract more of the poison that sank in over the years. This is My truth.

It’s the farthest thing from easy {more than  238,855 miles}… But it’s so worth it.

But still… there are times, just like now, when I wish I was far away from all of the chaos and the nitty-gritty of building/rebuilding my life.. and I drift.

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