Remember to tell your loved ones how you feel about them.  Do it, often, and with sincerity. Appreciate them openly, you will never regret it, you can only regret missing the opportunity to love them, and to receive love in return…

Someone I love dearly is losing his battle with cancer.  Today I talked to him and got the news that he’s taking a turn for the worst. My heart breaks.  I likely wont see him again. It’s already been a few weeks since I saw him last, and I held onto the hope he would still turn it around… We’ve been through this before.  This is actually his 4th round of cancer.  I’m not exactly sure what to say, because a lot of what I’m feeling is sort of selfish.  Now, I would genuinely do anything to take this away from him. But I can’t bear the thought of not having him in my life. It all seems so “Me, me, me”… *I*don’t want him to go… *I* miss him. etc… It just hurts so much.

How is the right way to act when you learn that someone you love is suffering and dying?  I initially was in disbelief. I found myself asking over and over again the same question… hoping beyond hope that the answer would change.  It didn’t.  I broke down and cried.  This is a man who was a friend, a mentor, a father figure. An important member of my “family” and now… well… this.

There is so much that is bitterly tragic about his scenario.  This is a man who came to America from Greece when he was 13 during a time of revolution there. He came here and had to work hard, learn more, and apply himself more diligently than his peers. He built himself a wonderful life. He’s accomplished so much in his lifetime.  By the time I met him, he didn’t need to work. but he did it because he HAD to keep moving. He HAD to be productive. He had do have purpose.  When he met me, he had a reputation for hating women, and being an angry old curmudgeon…  This couldn’t be farther from the truth. There is a genuine tenderness in him that most people didn’t take the time to recognize.   He and I clicked instantly. We became fast friends and he took me under his wing.  I’ve worked closely with him for a few years and in that time we became very much like family.  I don’t quite have the words that adequately define the emotional recoil of this recent turn for the worst… and the subsequent impact on day to day life as well.

I am a passionate person… -No, don’t get ahead of yourself there… What I mean by that is, when I care about something, or someone… I do so -full on! Not partially, because that’s not real or sincere. I am sincere, and generously caring.  Granted, not everyone can handle that… which is perfectly understandable. But those who do and stick around, know and understand how and why things impact me the way they do…  I can be so mellow and relaxed about the little things… the unimportant BS that people get bent over, doesn’t matter… I don’t believe in holding grudges. {please note that, like with anything, there are always exceptions} I don’t stay angry, and I’ve always got lots of love to give… I respond to love as well, on those exceptions when I am angry or what have you… But This isn’t exactly the point… just a tangent.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again many times – I am not like most others…  I say exactly how I feel to the people I care for. I am all out there. The first thing I do when I’m hurting is reach out to the people I am closest with.  I had a couple of my dearest reach out to me. One in particular, let me vent to him via txt and had lots of intelligent, reassuring things to say, as he always does… I made certain that he knew exactly how much that meant to me…  Another really made all the difference when he found out what was going on, he just gave me a huge hug, because he knew that was exactly what I needed at that time.  I called him up a little while later just to tell him that I love him and appreciate all he does for me.  For most people, it may seem a bit shocking to say these things, I know first hand how powerful it can be to hear them.

My dear friend has said many endearing and encouraging things to me over the years I have known him. And I am grateful that he KNOWS undoubtedly that he means so much to me. That hes had a positive and powerful impact on my life.

Yet, still…   I wish I could fix this. Bring him back to health. Back to how he was 5 years ago. Before he was diagnosed with cancer.