What can I say about days like this one?

Nothing in particular happened, yet I feel like I have been chased down and cornered into a fierce battle with my undeterrable stalker -depression.

Like I said, nothing out of the usual happened.  I just have this low, heavy feeling, that I cannot dismiss.  It makes me distant and somewhat withdrawn.  I’ve tried to battle it with music, {which does sometimes help}… with positive thoughts, {which are few and far between today} with keeping busy, {another good weapon, and BOY am I busy!}… and even reached out to my beloved sister in Colorado. She actually helped a bit, but the distance is so great from her and I really feel it on days like today where I could use a warm hug, and five minutes of crying my head off to her, because she knows my particular brand and brew of depression and always knows just what to say to set me right. 

But, in an effort to be a stronger person, I will keep fighting, and let that damn persistent and parasitic beast, get tired of chasing me.  I will… because I must.

I usually have much encouragement to hand to my friends, with plenty of silliness and giggles on tap.  I was this way yesterday. Yesterday!  Yet, today it feels like a distant memory… why?

Who knows really… I often find myself wondering how I can be such a hypocrite sometimes. I just sent a long email to an old friend trying to cheer him up. But when I need cheering, I withdraw, or even sometimes push people away. I know I do it… and I catch myself, and try to fight the urge.

I question everything… Is this normal?  Even this post… I am forcing myself to write this right now because writing often helps me get out of my gloomy headspace… I also suppose it puts a beacon out there into the world. But I even question the validity of writing this post right now.  Am I just some pesty grrl that has nothing really valuable to say?  Am I wasting time and feeling sorry for myself?  Hmm.. Maybe.   Though I hope to gain something from this.

Aside from the release from tension, that writing provides, I hope that I can follow my train of thoughts here and perhaps, with a happier disposition, I can give myself the same kind of advice I would bestow upon my loved ones.

This seems like a good idea… in theory.  But even the worst disasters seemed like a good idea at some point… right?

What I would like to do, is list a few things that cheer me up and perhaps in time i will come back to this post, and add more items to my list.  So here goes;

Music, happy up beat hyper music that makes me move and sing {badly}

Hugs from loved ones, friends, family, it’s all good!

Random Jokes, stupid cheap giggles, could be anything silly!

Chocolate, {srsly, I’m a grrl<- we LOVE chocolate}

Walking anywhere on a nice day.

Sunsets, so many are beautiful.

The Beach,  nothing better than escaping to the beach. I love everything about the beach!

Baking is fun, but then the eating of the goodies makes me feel guilty. {and give me a tummy ache}

Coffee! {omg thats a big one!}  Coffee with a friend is probably the BEST medicine of all time!

Accomplishment – this applies to anything substantial, be it a daunting task at work or getting all the laundry done, even making a nice meal, because lets face it, when I’ve got the blues I dont want to do anything. But when its done, I do feel better.

Taking a nice hot shower, with my favorite conoconut scented soaps. =) Heck maybe even a hot bath! Though I never really have time or privacy for that…

Sitting by the fire, either the fire pit, or the fireplace. Doesn’t matter. Both are lovely.

Reading, just for fun. I don’t take enough time to do this lately…

Watching a good movie. A GOOD movie… my standards are unique!

Playing with my dog. Because she’s just a ball of fluffery love.

That’s all I can think of off the cuff… but already find myself feeling remarkably improved. I think I will head home and try to appease myself with some of the above listed items.  =)

This is my second post, as I gain followers, I hope to learn from others. Some tips tricks and suggestions are always welcome!

Advertisements